Stump the “Chaps” ch.1

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A Christian friend (not my alter ego) has been divorced for 20+ years yet will not date because she feels that it would be adultery. I believe, no matter the root cause of her first and only marriage ending in divorce, that she is misinterpreting her Bible.

Chaps: Is my friend right to avoid the dating game in fear that she will become an adulterer and/ or fornicator if she were to remarry?

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33 thoughts on “Stump the “Chaps” ch.1”

  1. Blessed Sunday, from here, ST! As I may’ve mentioned before, you *do* know how to pick them. (grin) This question has been around since the beginnings of the Christian faith.

    The Early Church wondered whether to marry at all, if Christ were returning soon. (St. Paul’s views developed about this, over the course of his writings.) The discussions gradually moved into what a Christian should do if they were married to a pagan, and how Christians should treat/elate to one another in marriage. Periodically, the question of marital status as it relates to church membership and/or admission to sacramental celebration comes up, too – depending on the faith community one is considering. So, a one-size-fits-all approach doesn’t always serve the purpose…That said, here goes.

    First, let me say how sad I am that your friend is wrestling with this sense of being between a rock and a hard place. Not to mention feeling possibly unloved by God – for any reason. (If I may, I’ll pray for your friend, and others similarly-burdened.)

    Now, the approach to this does depend, a bit, on the faith background she was raised in, and the faith community she now has connections with – if any. Different church bodies – and even individual congregations – have varied thoughts on the matter of divorce and remarriage. So without specifics – which I don’t require – answers to the particular dilemma you pose aren’t mine to give.

    What I can encourage, though, is that your friend *nurture* and *nourish* her closeness to Christ, so that she’ll be strengthened/guided in her choices, and freed from fear surrounding the original question. Also, I don’t see any reason why she needs to avoid supportive, sustaining relationship in other contexts because of “what if…?” around the marriage question…I’ve found support in the writing of Corrie ten Boom, Susan Muto, and even Henri J. M. Nouwen, on committed single life, for instance.

    I know that’s fairly non-definitive. Of one thing I am very sure, The LORD says: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have called you, and you are mine.” (cf. Jer. 31:3)

    Looking forward to comments…

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      1. Sort of; was thinking more about not cutting herself off from enjoyable, rich, rewarding relationships of friendship and affinity for fear of being drawn further than was comfortable.

        If I were more physically independent, I’d probably do more of the dinner/movie/book discussion thing – for its own sake – myself. (Heck, you’ve made sure the discussion part is covered, hands down, ST…Thank you!

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  8. The scriptural answer to your question is “yes”, as I’m sure you know. The only instance in which Jesus contemplated one spouse “putting away” the other was for adultery, and that was ONLY something the husband could do, not the wife.
    The disciples were so scared by Jesus’ statements about the indissoluble marital bond that they wondered aloud whether it wouldn’t be better just never to marry at all. And Jesus follows that up with a shout-out to eunuchs!

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    1. Whoa, Hypatia, just, whoa! I didn’t see the line where ST asked for the Scriptures to be thumped down upon the question, or the person referred to in the question.

      I would imagine that those participating on this thread – including yours truly – are well-versed (no pun intended) in what you’ve cited. However, humans being what we are, the rubber doesn’t always meet the road as one may think it should..

      Chaplain-mode answer here given; charitable lens applied. .Chaps’s motto was, is, and ever shall be: “In all things, charity.”

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      1. On second and third thought, Hypatia, thump away, it’s a free country; it’s not my style, but it may work for some: Go for it! Pax vobis!

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    2. Hypatia, thanks for this comment, and yes this is what I struggle with also in reading my Bible.
      This (almost?) undeniable interpretation of seems to take mysogyny ‘to a whole ‘nother level!’

      P.S. This comment of mine did not seem to nest under yours as I thought it would/ should.

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  10. My thinking is in this case what is good for the goose is good for the gander, although I am not sure that an honest reading of scripture can get me there.

    I remain confused about this (and many other) topic – especially from the ‘Biblical perspective.’

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    1. “Biblical perspective” often depends on translations/approaches of teachers/faith community rulings, etc. I’m not sure there’s one thing that can be called ‘Biblical perspective’. Chaplain mode doesn’t mean I don’t have personal views, but that mode also means personal views don’t come into guidance unless they are shared by the other party in the conversation…

      (Re: the contact methods: any of the back channel means are open to you, anytime – or, a word out here, anytime, whichever you’d choose, hermano…I am here.)

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      1. If you are talking about contacting you when I am spinning into darkness then thank you very much for the kind offer; nevertheless, I normally prefer to ‘work it out on my own’ without making proclamations. Your ‘crickets’ comment and the preceding one in a similar vein sort of smoked me out. I am sure I would rather have let the episode pass unannounced and unnoticed. Yet – here we are. Amen.

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    2. I thought you wanted to know what the orthodoxy says. If we leave that out, and you’re asking our opinions, then: your friend is nuts, some kinda fanatic. And I only say that because obviously she’s outside the mainstream: people divorce and remarry all the time.
      It wasn’t me making the judgment that your friend is correct in her view; I was just telling you it conforms with scripture . Which nobody can deny, as the ol’ song has it….

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  11. Forgive me, please/thank you?…Not intended; I genuinely missed your feedback, as it sparks my own learning/revising of thought. I surely had no invasion plan in mind. Do take comments at face value. I’m not known for sophistication or anything of an ulterior sort – and hope never to be thought of as doing/having such.

    I responded to yours, above, which didn’t ‘nest’ where I wanted it to, either, actually.) We are where we have always been. Amen.

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    1. The above was indicative of yesterday…This describes today – and the foreseeable time frame. Thanks for the Glo-Sticks and flashlight, ST and all:

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