Dating Above Your Weight Class

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Women more so then men date above their socio-economic class. (You go girl!)

I was talking to a friend the other day about a young lady that I know and I told her that I had not heard from my lady friend for a while. My friend thought this was a good thing. I think it may not be. K – hear me out.

My lady friend is down so low right now on the socio-economic class ladder that any man with a job would look up to her. I want her to wait until she has her life back, in order, and is situated appropriately on that ladder before she falls in love with just some dude with an income.

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Published by ST

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18 thoughts on “Dating Above Your Weight Class”

  1. Truth and wisdom here, ST….Economic insecurity of a second-or-third-world kind (that links to survival) is no basis for a non-exploitive relationship. (There’s that word again.) ‘K if I pray about this situation?

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  3. Totally understand what you are saying, but there is another way of looking at this. Lets say that she falls in love with a poor but decent guy: being in love and then getting married often-usually, I would argue-causes men to become more responsible and wealthier. Both men and women are far better off economically when they are a couple, and this is especially true for very poor people, in America at least. This assumes that the hypothetical poor guy she falls in love with is a decent guy-a big assumption, I know.

    One of my cousins never graduated high school: he was teetering on the edge as a teenager, grew his hair long, wasn’t doing well. Then, when he was 16 or 17, he met the girl who would become his wife. At first she refused to go out with him; she told him that she did not like his long hair. He kept trying, and she kept saying no. Then, he joined the National Guard, and got a military haircut, and this girl started to see him in a whole new light. By the time they were 20, they were married with a baby: some would view that outcome as a disaster, but 40 years later they are still very happily married, with 5 very successful children and a slew of grandchildren. My cousin has still never graduated high school, but he has never been without a job, runs a part time business in addition to his job, and they are doing fine when it comes to money-his wife didn’t start working until their youngest child turned 18. Some might argue that she didn’t marry up, but she married well.

    This can apply to older couples too. My mother has always been incredibly beautiful, and while she has never bragged about it, I am certain that there were lots of men she could have married. One of her friends was shocked when my mother finally decided to get married at age 34 to a machinist who had never graduated high school. Her friend was aghast that a woman as good looking as my mother would marry a machinist, and she told my mother flat out “At our age, we have to start thinking about money”; this woman was also getting married at the time, to a man far better off financially than my father. But sadly, my mother’s friend died a few years after getting married: she gave my mother a baby dress for me when I was born, and my Mom had a picture of me taken in that dress. I think of my mother’s friend every time I look at that picture. It is very sad. My parents were happily married for 52 years.

    I would be wary of a highly ambitious woman who marries a man who lacks ambition: that is a recipe for disaster, but there are lots of very happy marriages in which the man doesn’t make that much money. If the wife is not concerned with pursuing a career, it generally works out fine, as far as I can tell-assuming the wife sees the family as her main purview. So, it all depends on your lady friend’s personality: is she super focused on being super successful, or could she be happy as a housewife, maybe working at a low wage job?

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  4. True, JaC…The concern here seems to be the possibility that desperation may lead the woman to make a poorly-conceived decision, that may put her at risk; not that socioeconomic differences preclude success and/or happiness. (Correct me, if I’m wrong here, ST.)

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  5. “This can apply to older couples too. My mother has always been incredibly beautiful, and while she has never bragged about it, I am certain that there were lots of men she could have married. One of her friends was shocked when my mother finally decided to get married at age 34 to a machinist who had never graduated high school.”

    I got a kick out of this comment because my mother was a Miss America contestant (North Carolina) and refused several proposals both in country and abroad until she met my father at age 32 in D.C. It was a blind date set up by my maternal great-aunt and paternal grandmother who had been roommates in colleges and had both moved to Washington.

    He was a business school graduate and well on his way to climbing the stepladder to financial success but he had one fatal flaw- He was a damned Yankee and my maternal grandmother considered him a bit boorish.

    I’ve always admired the way he handled this social disdain- he simply ignored it! Thankfully, so did my mother. đŸ™‚

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  8. The gratitude I see expressed here seems like an inoculation against the angst-filled entitlement that seems to plague the First World: “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.” (Proverbs 15:17, KJV) Isn’t that a building-block of ‘The Simon Tao’? Not to be confused with optimism, it’s a seed of hope, yes? And something everyone can adopt as a guiding principle.

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    1. Nanda! Honestly, with all due respect, why are you retired from your position as a chaplain? You seem a perfect fit for that job and I’ve thought that since the Ricochet days.

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      1. Disability-related support issues at the old job that persisted into the initial job-hunt for a new one; I thought the Theology MA would lead to a parish-based position, but my main ally in that plan was transferred, so: I get to be among friends and opine and learn…The healthcare landscape has changed a lot, and the pastoral-care environment has, too. Neither is a very good “fit” at the moment. I very much appreciate the kind words, Liz!

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