83 thoughts on “Bigger Better Deal or the BBD”

  1. How does love fit into this? Is there such a thing as love? I know that there definitely is such a thing as love, but am interested to hear your take on it 🙂

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      1. Well, it seems to me that if you are really, madly in love you stop looking for the BBD, right? But if the BBD is what everybody wants, full stop, then that would mean that no one is ever really, madly in love, and everybody is just using everybody else until a BBD comes along. It looks to me like that the theory that everybody is looking for a BBD and the theory of love are mutually exclusive ideas, but maybe there is something here that I am not seeing?

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      2. JaC: One of the reasons I read – and reread – Jane Austen, is that she was all about love that turned societal convention upside down (or at least sideways); and showed us that good and good enough could actually *equal* the BBD. [See “Persuasion”, for instance ]

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    3. This is in response to your (JaC’s) madly in love comment. You make a good point. It is possible, I suppose, that once in a blue moon someone falls in love with his soulmate and lives happily ever after. The rest of the time people continue to seek out their BBD until pregnancy, biological clock, or some other outside force causes couples to couple. After this coupling event, people who did not bind to their soulmate either take on lives of quiet desperation or if they live in South America – a mistress.

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      1. So very sorry for your cynicism, ST. There really is such a thing as having a “soul mate” but it takes time and experience to find one which is precisely why I had no interest in an early marriage. What in the h*ll did I know about love and compatibility in my early twenties?

        I have too much respect for the institution to jump the gun, marry the wrong person, have children and then force an entire family to go through a divorce. I was heavily influenced by parents who tied the knot at 32 and were happily married until my father died at age 88.

        My mother (the beauty queen) had 10 offers of marriage in her twenties and turned them all down until her great aunt and my paternal grandmother (roommates in college) set up an “intervention” between these two. My mother was leaving for a year in Europe but they became engaged after two weeks and waited out her travels abroad.

        There is a lot of power in this story and I credit my parents for my 28 years of a successful marriage; my “little” brother has been married for 30!

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      2. Dare I say that (generically), in order to find one’s ‘soul mate’, one needs to acknowledge the existence and prerogatives of the soul – and the Creator – and be open to guidance in finding and sustaining a relationship as a gift for mutual upbuilding and enjoyment.

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      3. Where to begin? 🙂 People marry their soul mates a lot more often than “once in a blue moon”. Also, just because some people never actually marry their soul mate doesn’t mean that they don’t have one: some people just have to wait until they get to heaven. Also, just because someone marries a person they aren’t meant to be with for all of eternity doesn’t mean that the marriage was a mistake or that it is a bad marriage: God sometimes-often, I think, brings together two people who are not actually soul mates for His Own Purposes. They may not be soul mates, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t love each other more than life itself. Also, just because two people have a difficult marriage and may even end up divorced doesn’t mean that they aren’t soul mates: soul mates have difficult marriages and end up divorced more often than you may think.

        Of course, I can’t prove that any of this is true, but you can’t prove that it isn’t 🙂

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      4. Don’t know if this’ll ‘nest’ properly, Liz, but your family’s experiences – and your own – are gifts wondrous and rare. (Glad you see them as such, too!) The ambit in which the “BBD theory” was formed sees little of the bright or the beautiful that is not also streaked with blood and sweat (particularly for infantry hatchlings).

        I’d submit that we’re using different lenses/filters for viewing life experiences than ST’s most well-used set. It’s not ‘cynicism’, maybe wistfulness for the possible-not-probable. I’ve known glimpses of it, too….

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  2. Does ‘everybody’ include you, ST? Is “good enough” ever good, or ever enough? Serious question. You’ve got the Chaps thinking here – thanks.

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    1. Thinking about being so involved with looking for “the next big thing”, that we can miss the Good, True, Beautiful – and just plain enjoyable – along the way. Having little daily things happen as/when they’re expected (or maybe needed to) is a gift, for sure. Your chef/food post illustrated this well. Something fun took us all “there and back again”, didn’t it? I’ll see where else this might go….Thanks, as usual!

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  4. The theory of the BBD was worked out one Saturday night by a flock of future USMC infantry officers while consuming way too much (American) Bourbon whiskey. I was there. Our theory has never been disproven.

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    2. Ahh, now light dawns; is there anything approaching the wisdom of a group of hatchling amphibious green monsters [AGMs] fed on copious amounts of American brown liquor? I think not…(Early Happy 244th, hermano!)

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  5. ” … be open to guidance in finding and sustaining a relationship as a gift for mutual upbuilding and enjoyment.”

    Excellent point, Nanda and my parents certainly provided that insight and more importantly, led by example.

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    1. I think Miss Jane may differ here, ST. Her heroine in “Persuasion” Anne Elliot, claims the dubious ‘privilege’ for women of: ….loving longest –” even when existence, or when hope is gone.” (She says this to a naval gentleman who is not her intended; but within earshot of him, btw.) Your sample size for that statement may be too small. -smile-

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      1. Then explain why there are no female people in the US Marine Corps infantry.
        P.S. Sadly I am not even sure if that is still true. Having a moment here – please excuse.

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      2. But of course, hermano….I don’t think Miss Jane set out to address gender-integrated infantry, exactly; but she had certainly seen her share of females (discreetly, of course) “on the prowl”. It’s that aspect I think she addresses well in the book – in all her books – but that’s my favorite.

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    1. Most likely not, but today’s force seems pretty family-housing rather than barracks/bachelor officers’ quarters [BOQ] living. The mindset seems a bit different, too. (If I’m talking past your point, could you expand or break it down/out a bit more?)

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    1. From your unique vantage point, I grant you; there are still differences among women – and men – about what “bigger” and “better” really can look like, aren’t there?

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    2. Not all women Simon. Some are simply looking for their intellectual and emotional equals and understand that sharing common life goals is the most critical element in a successful relationship.

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      3. “Do you know any who are single, sexy and into former mercenaries?”

        Actually Simon, your resume would be attractive to many women. A lot of gals are attracted to protectors and defenders. As your pal iWe once posted after meeting you in Paris:

        “Let me make something clear. Nobody messes with Simon!” Quoting him loosely here because he wrote this yrs ago, but never underestimate the power of machismo- ignore the silly “me too” women.

        I didn’t marry one, but I dated a football player for 3 yrs in college and still swoon at GB Packers linebacker Clay Matthews.

        Now sshhh… nobody needs to let my husband know. 🙂

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    3. Simon, Simon, Simon 🙂 I will grant you that some women are in an endless pursuit of BBD; not all women are, but for the sake of argument, let’s say that you are right, and most or all women are in an endless pursuit of BBD. Why would God create women to be that way? Do you have any ideas about that? 🙂

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      2. Because instinctively they realize that there must be guys like me out there somewhere who need their bodies? In other words they are on the prowl for their BBS (Bold Brave Simon).

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    1. Ok, I can buy that, but at some point-no rush, whenever is good for you, I would be very interested in hearing your ideas on why God created women the way you think we are. Obviously, if you would rather not discuss this issue, I totally respect that, but you are poking the bear a little bit here, and I feel that I must defend my race: however women really are, God created us that way for a reason, and whatever that reason is, it’s a good reason 🙂

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      1. …God created us that way for a reason, and whatever that reason is, it’s a good reason 🙂

        For my pleasure seems too narcissistic and/ or egocentric but could that be it? Sometimes we need to look for the simple instead of the complex.

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      2. JaC: You’ve seen options A) and B) as to why the Creator fashioned women as they are, from ST’s cherished theorem; there’s also option C) To give men something over which to form lasting bonds: in the barracks/locker room/boardroom; and being an “equality of opportunity, not outcome” Deity, also provided women traits with which to do likewise, in the same set of environments. But, since every act of intimacy is a threesome: among man, woman, and the Creator’s own love, the bonding that happens in the boudoir is fundamentally different from that of the other two settings. So, bringing either sort of bonding designed for gratifying self into bonding designed for other-focused union and pleasure is doomed to fail – and reinforce self-fulfilling, self-defeating prophecy.

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  13. “Because it is a good question…”

    Thank you 🙂 I wrote the above comment before I saw the “because it’s a good question” comment, sorry about that 😦

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  15. Simon, you are one fortunate dude to have Nanda, Judy, Hypatia, et moi on your side so stop fighting the power and listen to us.

    The cool thing is that we’re an eclectic bunch who know all the angles from various different backgrounds but we seem to agree on the core issues.

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    1. Yes, I am fortunate. Yes, I am blessed to have you all pay any attention to me whatsoever.

      I am listening.

      Let me rephrase: Do you know any single, smoking hot, and insanely wealthy babes who are my future soulmates?

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  17. Simon, how many soulmates are you looking for? You used the word “soulmates” plural. LOL 🙂 A soulmate is usually a singular thing: conventional thinking has it that everybody has only one, but you used the plural, and that’s ok: you are an unconventional guy, but how many soulmates would you consider to be the ideal number? 🙂

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  18. Three: All must be incredibly sexy (not the same as incredibly beautiful fyi) but one must be a chef in the kitchen, another should be the perfect lady in the drawing room, and may fave would be a whore in the bedroom.

    More than that and I am afraid that petty jealousies and such may spoil our Zen.

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  21. “More than that and I am afraid that petty jealousies and such may spoil our Zen.”

    Now Simon, this comment is beneath you. I sense you enjoy shocking the masses but I ain’t buying. Besides, if you were such a self-described cad, Nanda wouldn’t like you.

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    1. See, this is what I think: I think Simon speaks for a lot of men who think the same things he thinks but aren’t willing to say it. I appreciate the fact that Simon is willing to say all kinds of things that most people only think. I like it 🙂 Which is not necessarily the same thing as agreeing with all of Simon’s theories and ideas 🙂

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    1. “Today Nanda does not like me.”

      No, ST…Today I am responding to an unsettling – and what I thought to be uncharacteristic – interaction last night, into this morning, on a previously-dormant thread. You asked for clarity of expression on my part, and I complied. I prefer to differentiate your personhood from certain aspects of your recent interactions with me – although you seem to be trying your level-worst to make that more difficult. ’nuff said.

      (Now, back to the previous conversation….).

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      2. Can’t? Won’t? Don’t wanna expend the effort? Too worn out from all the adulation? All of the above? De-stress and decompress, for both/all of us…..Please/thank you? Peace be with you – and in this space na.

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      2. Who is this “you” you speak of? I am innocent, Simon: many women are innocent of the crimes you describe.

        The way you describe women makes me wonder. Makes me think you need to get out more and meet more and different kinds of women 🙂

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      3. Yes, I would love to meet and make love to more women and different kinds of women. Please point me in their direction.

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      4. Okay some women just divorce the guy and take his house, cars, and family. Is it no wonder that today’s manchildren are avoiding the marriage penalty?

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      5. Yes, some women mistreat men in divorce court, but most women don’t. That said, I agree with you: women should be at the forefront of a massive effort to reform the family courts, which are right now definitely stacked against men. Most women don’t abuse men in divorce court; most women have never even been to divorce court, but they could abuse men there if they wanted to, and that is unacceptable.

        I hear what you are saying about women who try to destroy men who have caused them unhappiness; I have seen that too. I come from a very large family that has a very low divorce rate, but there have been a few divorces and a few husbands who were known to cheat: in my family, we differentiate between the role of husband and the role of father, and we don’t punish good fathers for being bad husbands. Donald Trump is an example of this: his children have all turned out so well. He is obviously a good father; no one would give him any medals for being a faithful husband, but he is obviously a good father: there are (many) others like him, and they should be/must be supported in their role as fathers.

        For a woman to take the kids away from a good father because he was a lousy husband is disgusting: that isn’t allowed in my family. Our society would benefit from a discussion about this.

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  24. You’re allowed your personal preferences and I am not judging, but don’t complain about finding a soul mate.

    Happily committed couples get that it is not beneficial to the relationship to share intimacy with others. That’s just a fact and it’s ok if you do not want this but do not expect to reap the benefits of monogamy.

    Just giving you a reality check, sir.

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  25. “The way you describe women makes me wonder. Makes me think you need to get out more and meet more and different kinds of women.”

    I couldn’t read this comment and merely give it a like; I have to say I couldn’t agree more which prompted my earlier comment about returning to the U.S. aka a first world country.

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    1. I will take your advice and give it a second look. I just want someone who will worship me and bring turkey sammiches to my mistresses and me.

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