Success

All four of my grandparents immigrated to America from Ireland around the turn of the 20th century; they came out of grinding poverty in Ireland. My father once told me that his parents were probably not educated past the third grade; he didn’t seem to be sure, which says to me that his suspicions may well have been correct: I got the feeling that their education level wasn’t something they wanted to talk about all that much. 100 years later, all of their grandchildren and great grandchildren are middle class, and some of us upper middle class. A few of us might be downright rich, but they won’t admit to it, lol. Understand: between my maternal and paternal grandparents, there are 30 grandchildren, and more great grandchildren than I can count. And so far, at least, every single one of us is doing pretty well. Considering the number of people involved, that might be interesting.

Liz recently asked me to write about my family, and about how my grandparents’ and parents’ generations managed to succeed in America. Hard work is the first and most obvious answer-no one ever succeeds without that, but there’s more to it than that. My maternal grandfather was an old Irish cop; my paternal grandfather was a factory worker. Both of my grandmothers stopped working when they married and became housewives. Even during the depression, both of my grandfathers were always employed, and they somehow managed to escape the worst: both couples managed to own their own homes, but tragic circumstances put both families on very thin ice, financially.

My maternal grandfather was 25 or so years older than his wife; we laugh about this, but it wasn’t funny when his young wife died before he did. At the age of 62, he was left with six children, aged newborn to 13. He was in bad health himself. After my grandmother’s funeral, his brothers and sisters who had also come to America made him an offer: they told him that they had discussed the situation, and they were each willing to adopt one of his children. He totally refused, saying “They are my kids, they are coming home with me.” It wouldn’t be the last time someone offered or threatened to take his children away: as the years went on, his health didn’t get any better, but he always swore that as long as he was alive, his kids were going to stay together, and they did: he only outlived his wife by about 13 years, but he lived long enough to make sure that his children were never separated from each other. By the time he died, the older kids were in a position to be able to take care of the younger ones: my mother and her older sister supported the family by working as telephone operators; their younger sister became a nurse and went on to earn a PhD in nursing education. One of their younger brothers earned a bachelor’s degree in accounting, married right out of college, had six kids himself and has had a very happy life. They all have had good and happy lives.

My paternal grandfather was killed by a drunk driver at the age of 48; my grandmother was left with 5 children, aged 12 to 19; this happened during WWII, my Dad was in basic training at the time, and would soon be sent to the Pacific. For the next few years, my grandmother scraped by on some kind of social security, on money my Dad sent to her, and probably also on help from her two older daughters. When I asked my Dad how his mother had gotten by after his Dad was killed and before he came home from the war, my Dad just shook his head, and said “I don’t know.” But somehow, she did: when he came home from WWII, he and his siblings kept the family afloat. Two of the younger girls went to college, and became school teachers: all five of them went on to have good and happy lives.

How did they do it? Obviously, they worked hard, but just as importantly, they stuck together, through thick and thin: they had it tough, but none of them were ever on their own. They always had each other. I often wonder how either of these families would have done if they had followed the advice of modern psychologists; I think a lot of them would have fallen through the cracks, as so many who follow the advice of modern psychologists do.