Does it get easier?

(Disclaimer;‘ You don’t have to read this. I have to type it though.)

It’s been nearly a month since I lost my wife of 30 years. Does it get easier? I dunno. I cry nearly every day, I’m not ashamed to say it, a nearly 69 year old man, yes I cry. In my younger days, well I convinced her to marry me because it would at least give a family life to one of my children. My daughter by my first wife, well because of me that marriage was not reconcilable. I still supported her, my daughter. More that what was required. I continued with money directly to her until she turned 21.

Anyhow back to the story…

We married and for five years lived in a four room house. We longed for something better and we took the plunge. We bought a different four room house and I set about making a room in the attic for my son. But fate had other things in store. I nearly died with a bleeding ulcer while on a trip with my job. That room waited a few more years. But it was finished and my son, well I dare say he liked it as he entertained his school chums in it many times. As to my wife, well she helped and encouraged me and backed me up with these endeavors all the while keeping an eye on the pocket book.

At first it was to give at least one of my children a full time father. But I grew to love her more that I can explain. We traveled close to home, never more than a few hundred miles but I did it for her. She enjoyed it. Yes we had arguments, typical of married life and in them I could not talk. I never wanted to hurt her with anything. I guess you could say I loved her and words of apology would get in the way.

Well this damned COVID thing came along and she became very afraid of any sort of germ. She was afraid of going out for a walk, just everything. It killed her, not directly, but she didn’t have a bit of exercise and then a heart attack. Out of the blue it happened.

Will it get easier, I dunno. Do I want it to get easier, I dunno. Did I love her, more that you can imagine, I still do. Isn’t it obvious. There’s a big hole where my heart used to be.

Listen people, your mate, your companion, your spouse, grab her or him, hug her or him, kiss him or her, tell them you love them. I could not do that to my wife, she was too afraid of germs. I could not even touch her. The last time I touched her was giving her CPR.

That is not the best way to be the last way.

It’s been nearly a month, please pray for her, in your prayer, please tell her I love her….

Thank you….