We’ve all been reading about the “Millennial Male Crisis”- lack of work ethic, no aspirations to attend college/trade school, still living at home in their mid twenties. I’m one of the few people who get frustrated with all the attention paid to this by the media “elite” because I highly value the anecdotal. And I surely received some of that yesterday in a discussion with my landscape architect!
After we had completed some work yesterday, he came in for a beer and a chat. He was down and it came out that of his four children, the two girls were off to fine colleges studying pre-law and engineering but the two boys (ages 18 and 19) had zero plans to do anything. D had suggested trade school and I certainly encouraged that because a good electrician can earn a salary in the mid six figures quite easily.
D was confused that with little prompting, his girls were chomping at the bit to make successful lives for themselves yet his boys had this disconcerting apathy. Not being a mother, I had little advice on this topic but I did mention that stats of college and advanced degrees were now becoming increasingly skewed toward young women. He knew that and even quoted some numbers right back to me.
I do believe this is a legitimate trend, so my question to you, dear readers, is Why?
ST UnWoked & UnVaxxed! 
Judy, You’re not getting away with a ‘like’ because I’d like to hear your thoughts on the subject.
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Lol 🙂 I was writing my thoughts at the same time you posted this comment, you crack me up, Liz 🙂
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Well, you know me, I blame feminism 🙂 These boys were raised with little girls going around with t Shirts that said “Girls rule, Boys drool” That has to be demoralizing. In our feminist world, where women can supposedly do everything that men can do-if that were true, which it isn’t, but if it were true-then men would just essentially be women who can’t have babies. To be raised on that message has to be demoralizing.
I am torn on this, because I lived with my parents most of the time until I got married in my mid thirties. I had very serious mental health issues going on which I was able to hide for a long time, but they were definitely there. I faced tremendous disapproval at a time when some milk and cookies (seriously) could have made a huge positive difference, I suspect. When an 18 year old kid has no interest in the future, we should be concerned. Not angry, but concerned. These young men need help.
All young men, and young women too, for that matter, deserve an apology for the toxic feminism they have been raised with. Feminism tells little boys and young men that they aren’t needed. What a horrible thing to say to a child.
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I hear your complaint about feminism of course, but I still wonder what’s going on with testosterone? 🙂
I will say I’m impressed that without anybody’s help from NOW, women seem to be taking advantage of their opportunities but there is no reason both sexes can’t excel. I can tell you that in the investment world, men are not suffering!
The reality, based upon my “anecdotal” experience is that men and women enjoy working together and teaming up to reach mutual goals. My favorite partner was a young male with a high IQ and the two of us made our company a lot of money. There was never a reference to gender and only an emphasis on profit.
I guess I was living in a perfect world. ):
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I also think that we are keeping most kids in school for far too long. Robin started working at a part time sales job when he was 12 or 13 years old. He was fantastic at it, and he loved it. He hated school, but all of his classmates were going on to college, so when the time came, he went through the motions and signed up for classes, but he hated it. He only attended for a few months, and spent those months moping around, laying in bed, skipping class, etc…Thank God, Robin was blessed with good parents, and they did not allow this to continue. They just sat him down, and they said, “Look, you obviously hate school, why don’t you just get a job instead?” They weren’t harsh or angry about it, they were just saying what everyone knew to be true, and Robin was hugely relieved when his parents released him from any obligation to pursue higher education. His mood immediately turned around, he got a full time job, he went on to own several businesses, and he was fine.
They say that, if you want to be part of the middle class, you need to graduate high school, get a full time job, and wait until you are married to have kids. Higher education is not necessarily necessary. Many young men who would thrive in a full time job with real responsibilities are having the life sucked out of them in stupid college courses.
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“Robin started working at a part time sales job when he was 12 or 13 years old.”
I was a part-time bus girl at age 14 because my father believed it was time to learn about making a buck but I lucked out. My poor brother had to work in a tool and dye factory in downtown Detroit!
I continued to have minimum wage jobs during week-ends and summers between college semesters. Oddly enough, my father never let me spend this money because he’d put it in an investment acct. By the time I bought my first house at age 28, I discovered all those annoying jobs had provided me with my first down payment!
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I had paper routes starting when I was about 12, and then when I was 13 or 14-I can’t remember, I started babysitting some neighborhood kids. I think that would be illegal nowadays, Lol 🙂 When I was 16 and it became legal for me to officially work, I got a job as a waitress.
I really think it’s a mistake to discourage teenage kids from working. They want to feel needed and necessary, and a part of things, and that is especially true for the boys.
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Couldn’t agree more but none of my friends were forced to do this and FELT SORRY for me. I enjoyed working and for four yrs of college I was chomping at the bit to get a real job and missed half a semester interviewing everywhere!
I graduated in late May and by July 1st I had a job in NYC. This scenario just doesn’t play out anymore.
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Liz, I’d route you to Dr. Warren Farrell on American Thought Leaders (The Boy Crisis) – posted here earlier – and to Daniel Patrick Moynihan’s lament decades ago about the breakup of the nuclear family (black or otherwise). “Helicopter” and/or “lawn mower” parents; and, yes, feminazis. Not to mention that boys mature later than girls.
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Yes indeed but I have a sneaking suspicion that we’re all blaming everyone but the only people who count- the parents. Fathers have an enormous impact on their children; girls are much more amenable to their influence but boys have to go through that rebellious stage. My father was horrified that Mensa son didn’t want to go to Michigan or MIT engineering school but wanted to attend USC film school and become a screenwriter.
To my father’s credit, he made a deal: 2 years at Michigan and if you’re not happy, I’ll send you to USC. That happened and my brother works for Amblin now- Spielberg’s company and edits his films! This scenario played out to everyone’s satisfaction because my parents were INVOLVED and bossy.
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Absolutely, Liz, fathers especially, have a particular role to play in raising boys….
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Girls too! I idolized my dad.
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Yes, indeed, but we were originally discussing unself-motivated boys, hence my focus. 🙂
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Yes Nanda but I brought it up because I don’t know why boys don’t get it anymore and their sisters do!
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Role reversal, maybe? After years of being fed feminazi claptrap by female teachers of a certain vintage. Incidentally, where have all the male teachers – especially for upper elementary, jr. high, and high school, gone? My Dad taught high school math when his first 3 kiddos were toddlers – and loved it.
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Same thing that’s happened in the veterinary world; men are less attracted to the lower paying jobs that are often more demanding than an internist or even a surgeon’s profession because the patients can’t tell you what’s wrong!
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I really think it’s a hormonal thing. Puberty used to land on boys like the proverbial Tongues of Fire. Read “Portnoy’s Complaint” , read Camille Paglia:”Male sex is HOT!” (Emphasis in the original.). I remember once at a party, a distinguished dermatologist telling me, “Men think about sex ALL the time, ALL THE TIME” And that meant energy. That is “the force that through the green fuse drives the flower” as Dylan Thomas put it. There’s no substitute for it.
I don’t know why it has happened. Estrogen in cow’s milk? Some kinda chemical in the plastic lining of canned goods that mimics hormonal action? Also of course there’s cultural change, but: which came first? All I know is: The Force is no longer with these tender saplings.
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I’ve only read Goodbye Columbus but it was interesting that the underachieving main character believed he was going to establish a significant relationship with the Queen Bee. ???
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