Tara

My cousin, Tara Shea Creamer, was murdered 20 years ago on Sept. 11, 2001. She was a passenger on Flight 11. She was only 30 years old. She was mother to a three year old little boy and a one year old baby girl.

Tara and I were born six months apart, and grew up 15 minutes down the road from each other. As kids, we saw each other every Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter, and at a few cook outs in the summer time too. Our families would get together every Sunday after Thanksgiving to cut down Christmas trees, and at all of these events, Tara and I were like two peas in a pod. For me, seeing her was the highlight of every holiday.

The last time I saw Tara was a few weeks before 9/11, at the wedding shower my mother held for my sister-in-law. Tara’s family was on vacation in Cape Cod at the time, which is a three hour drive from Western Mass, but she and her sisters made the drive in order to attend the shower. I don’t remember very much about that day, but the last words Tara and I ever spoke to each other are seared in my memory.

I was single and childless and clueless: I was also seriously depressed and spaced out. I was barely aware, if I was aware at all, of the two small little girls-our cousin Tom’s children- sitting next to me, until I looked up and saw Tara cutting their food for them. I heard the words, “Oh my God, Tara, you are so good.” come out of my mouth. Tara looked surprised and a little embarrassed. She smiled and shrugged as she continued to cut their food, and she said, “Well, I know what it is like.” And that is my last memory of her. The last of so many.

Tara’s father held our family together for almost 20 years after her death. He died very suddenly while out on a walk last February. I spoke on the phone with him the day before he died. He told me to keep smiling, and to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It will be more difficult to do that this year, but I will. For Uncle Jim, and for Tara, and for Tara’s kids, and for all the kids.

I don’t know what else to say. It has been 20 years, and I still can’t believe this is happening.