Interesting almost amusing, now that the land is practically cleared of brush los Ticos are starting to ask if they can work for me. Last night un macho walked right into the restaurant where I was having dinner, sat down at my table, and asked for a job driving the tractor. This is the very same dude who turned me down the first couple of times I asked him to work for me. While I admire his style, his machismo is not to my liking. I bet he’s a wife beater.
Can’t blame macho-man for wanting the tractor driving gig. It pays better and is also relatively safer (farther from the snakes) than swinging a machete, but for now I’m happy bush-hogging the land myself while the boys continue their business with machetes. Maybe – hopefully later, but for now I don’t need another tractor driver. And when I do it won’t be him. Besides, he probably wouldn’t dare take the tractor onto some of those slopes that I shouldn’t be on either. I did try to teach the oldest boy, Rosita’s dad, how to drive the tractor, and we both almost died that day.
On a side note, working in the middle of nowhere forces you to use your noggin. My crazy expat friend and kayaking partner, Tim, started calling me MacGyver after he saw how I used some vines to replace a bolt that sheared off of the bush hog. Well that and some incredibly well placed 9mm rounds that I had squeezed off from his Glock.
Before I bought and started driving the tractor, mis Nicas taught their technique to me to wade into jungle that is supposed to scare away the snakes that are on the ground. The problem is that sometimes juvenile vipers are above ground in tree limbs and you just barely catch something move out of the corner of your eye. Swatting evil adolescent vipers out of a tree with a machete before chopping its head off is high adrenalin stuff.
Please don’t anybody tell PETA about this, but our intent is to kill every snake that we come in contact with. The Bushmasters are fairly predictable, but Fer-de-Lance are absolutely schizo – one-day cowardly lion next day kamikaze; and I hate them for being so amazingly quick, faster yet when coming directly at you. Old-timers around here say that on sand the Fer-de-Lance is faster than a horse. Not sure what they mean but there is something warning in there methinks.
The deadliest snakes are generally nocturnal. For those who’ve never been in one, jungles come positively alive at night, and when it is not raining you can sometimes hear and at other times sense large animals moving about. It is loud, pitch black, sometimes it SCREAMS at you, but when it suddenly goes completely silent it is hair on the back of your neck scary.
Can’t imagine the challenges mis Nicas faced on their journey to Costa Rica (CR). Without their incredible fieldcraft on that trek they never would have made it. They must have crossed several rivers and slept on the jungle floor alongside pumas, some of the most deadly snakes in the world, poison dart frogs, caimans, etc.; and, these are not dried out Rio Grande river beds but tropical rain-swollen rivers with treacherous currents. They (five boys, three teenage girls {one visibly pregnant}, and a toddler) walked here bringing almost nothing with them except machetes.
They said that there is no work and no money in their country and that they’d been doing pick-up jobs for table scraps since they’ve been in CR. Ticos call Nicaraguans – perros (dogs) and it is not meant as a compliment. Spend a couple of days or weeks working up close and personal with these guys you would see that they are brave, honest, and generous. I would rather spend a day in the jungle with these guys than have dinner at the White House with Obama. Some of the Ticos around here are also suggesting that I let my Nicas go and replace them with local boys. Not going to happen, my boys were the only ones loco and hungry enough to walk into that jungle with me; and I’ll go down swinging with and for them. Somos pocos pero locos.
I once asked myself if I am contributing to the delinquency of minors when we stop somewhere for cold beers. They are happy drunks, and I laugh my career off when they start teasing each other after a couple of beers. At other times, they’re mature beyond their years and discuss things that I’ve never seen or even could imagine. They let me see into their world and it is a harsh and unforgiving place. They are good boys, and I love them.
ST UnWoked & UnVaxxed! 