Sleepless in BatCave

Just a bit about some of the peculiar aspects of living as an expat in rural Costa Rica (CR). First a word of warning: Number one is the local guys are not always incredibly excited about some foreigner moving into their turf and sleeping with all of their women. If you have lots of ‘pesonality’ the girls will eventually come around. You may have more opportunities than you ever did back in the States but it is not always wise to drink deeply of all that fine wine. More than one American has ended up dead or missing body parts for dipping too deeply into the local culture. Sometimes it is foolhardy to do in Rome what the Romans do. The locals have their own set of rules and then there is another set that ex-pats would be wise to follow. Now on the other hand, a friend of mine was living with a girl that got pregnant. Both my friend and his girlfriend have blue eyes, yet they produced a brown eyed baby. I guess it is possible that he was the father, but where people don’t have video games they tend to have sex to break the monotony. This can be a blessing or a curse depending on how you deal with the options available to you.

Now a bit about my accommodations. I lived alone in a smallish two story house that I rented from Crazy Tim’s dad. For entertainment all that I had were a few books, some in Spanish, and a small portable radio with a cassette player. I did not have a TV and there was no cable anyway. If I did watch any TV it was usually at one of my Tico friend’s house and it was to watch soccer. I do believe that there are fewer expats today that are fluent in the local language because of cable TV. I think back in the day we were forced to learn the language and not just talk likeTarzan, but actually speak the language fluently. 

The bottom floor was an open floor plan with the only room being small bathroom. Upstairs there was a balcony that ran all the way around the four bedrooms. The upstairs was just a square divided into four more square bedrooms. The wooden walls dividing the rooms were paper thin. This proved to be inconvenient the few times that couples stayed overnight in any one of the three vacant rooms. There was no AC but usually it cooled down enough at night that I didn’t sweat all night, and the fan helped a little too. About all I had as far as furniture was concerned is one twin-bed sized mattress on the floor in one of the bedrooms. There was no ceiling in the bedrooms just a tin roof which was usually kind of nice when it rained. A few months after I moved in at least one bat moved in with me, and knowing that vampire bats sometimes carry rabies I eventually gave up on my attempts to drive him out. The thing was impervious to the fishing line that I wired throughout the upper reaches of the bedrooms. I felt like Wiley Coyote. That bat outfoxed me at every turn.

Finally, out of frustration I gave in to the beast and threw my mattress off of the balcony onto the jungle floor below me. Then walked down the stairs and out the front door, grabbed the mattress and walked back into the house and threw the mattress onto the floor of my living room. I never moved the mattress again and slept right there on the living room floor just inside the front door until I left CR. I had no need so never owned any sheets or blankets. Believe it or not I did not even sleep in pajamas, which was convenient whenever Flor-de-Lance popped by after finishing her shift at the nearby watering hole. 

Speaking of which, the only thing in my refrigerator was beer. The only thing I ever cooked was coffee, and I made it strong in a sock.

To be continued.