Infantile Amnesia

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This is prompted by ST’s post Girls, ugh! And my title, of course, refers to the reason we all don’t remember anything from when we were babies or toddlers. I don’t think anybody really knows the reason for the phenomenon.
I think (and I hope to hear from you about this, readers!) I’m kinda a special case in that regard. I have a few memories, like still photos, of which the vantage point is definitely that of someone only about 4 feet high. But with other people, I’ve noticed that infantile amnesia seems to have wiped out their memories of their lives before about 15.

When I moved back to my childhood home, (which a lot of my schoolmates had never left)a man approached me and said “Remember me?”

“Oh my God, my sixth grade crush!” I blurted out.

Socially it was the worst thing I have ever done. Ever— and I ain’t no Miss Manners.

The guy went into a full-body blush (well, I mean, he was dressed, but his entire head and neck turned beet-red) and he stepped back and stood there completely—idk: nonplussed?Gobsmacked? Yeah, gobsmacked.

I don’t remember how I got past it; I think I grabbed my husband’s arm and introduced them, so at least he’d know I didn’t have any current predatory intent toward him. We ran into each other a few times since, and he was perfectly nice, so I guess he got over it.

But really, he was the cutest little 11year old, the only blond in our class. And he liked me too! A prepubescent maiden knows these things.

He obviously DID remember, but didn’t want to,or thought he wasn’t supposed to. We should be insulated from those early attachments by infantile amnesia or the counterfeit of it.
On ST’s post, I wrote about the guy who gave me my first kiss. I spoke to him on the phone a few months ago, on the occasion of his mother’s death. She was the last survivorof our respective parents, his and mine, who had been such stalwart friends. I hadn’t spoken to him in….decades, I won’t stop to reckon up how many, and a condolence call wouldn’t have been the appropriate (to put it mildly!) venue—

But what if I had asked him if he remembered The Kiss ?

Of course, it was a bigger deal to me than to him; I doubt it was his first, I doubt if there existed any female upon whom he wouldn’t have planted one, that summer of his nascent virility.

Simon, can you tell me: why was my erstwhile blond biscuit so painfully embarrassed by what I said? And why do I know I must never ask The Kisser if he remembers that summer?

Your memories of the first girls you fell in love with, the first ones you kissed and ….whatever—

Are they pleasant to you? Or are they for some reason, embarrassing?

Do you even remember, or are you willing to acknowledge the memories?

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Published by Hypatia

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33 thoughts on “Infantile Amnesia”

      1. It is okay. You just make me scratch my head in search of answers. It is a good and proper thing for you to ask these types of questions. These are all good questions and I will answer all of them as best as I can.

        On the other hand, if the day should ever come when I don’t think I can answer you for whatever reason, I will let you know. No blood — no foul. Please do not worry about asking questions that are too tough for me. I just like to complain. It is a grunt thing.

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  2. 1. Simon, can you tell me: why was my erstwhile blond biscuit so painfully embarrassed by what I said?

    My guess is most of his embarrassment was simply due to your husband being present and Blond Biscuit’s (BB) concern for your honor. He may have also long harbored less than gentlemanly desires concerning you and your body and they may have suddenly come to the forefront. Those non-chivalrous thoughts may have given him cause to fear a duel was in the making if your husband was capable of reading BB’s mind.

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  3. 2. And why do I know I must never ask The Kisser if he remembers that summer?

    In keeping with the theme of my previous answer, I think what you know is you should only ask him what he remembers about that summer when the two of you are ‘alone’ in a public place.

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    1. No, that’s what I did with Blondy. That’s why I felt so bad for him, his embarrassment was obvious to anybody who happened to be looking our way….

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      1. Why do you say no? I am 99.9% sure he would love it if you were to ask him for his memories of that special summer but not in front of a third party. I wrote you should ask him when the two of you are ‘alone but in public’ to mean somewhere like a coffee shop.

        You shouldn’t get him into a completely private setting but to avoid embarrassing him (he seems to embarrass easily) it needs to be somewhere no one else can overhear the conversation. Invite the guy for a cappuccino and scone or would that get too many tongues wagging?

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  4. I do have memories of life before 15; but they have nothing to do with “social” milestones. Some of those didn’t start ’til college – others will probably never happen – but that’s okay.

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    2. “Some of those didn’t start ’til college – others will probably never happen – but that’s okay.”

      Many things we wish for will not happen if we don’t nudge them along. If there are social milestones that you would like to happen then I suggest you take more initiative. Some things may even be worth paying for.

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  5. It’s not only boys. I sometimes encounter a woman I remember playing with when we were kids, and my “Don’t you REMEMBER?!?” is met with a puzzled stare. Um no, they don’t. Maybe it’s just cuz I had a very isolated childhood, any relationship I formed with another kid was a big deal to me, whereas to,them,not so much.
    And actually I was on the other side of this once, talking to a childhood friend. “Remember our secret notebook that we passed back and forth? Remember those mittens you had, like puppets,,that we played with on the school bus?” And, um , I, whoda sworn I remember every minute of my own life, did NOT. BUT: now, I do!
    I think those are real memories, but it gives you an insecure feeling…Is it just as easy to fabricate a memory of something that never happened? There have been experiments done which indicate that it is.

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  6. “Is it just as easy to fabricate a memory of something that never happened? There have been experiments done which indicate that it is.”

    Yes, often perpetrated by psychotherapists on patients; “repressed memories”; “Sybil”, etc. But, I agree that we may augment memory to match the feelings it evokes in us; as well, a kid’s brain organizes things differently than an adult’s would, too. For instance, JFK, Jr., as an adult, recalled: “….the black dresses my mother and aunts wore to my (2nd) birthday party.” (the day of his father’s state funeral).

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  7. Yeah. I had a friend who was convinced by her shrink that, EVERY night since puberty ( maybe before, I dk) her father had been sneaking into her room to fuck her “anally , orally, and vaginally“, as she kept repeating to anybody who would listen. But every morning she came down to breakfast having blocked the memory of it. Until she got into “therapy”.
    I had no trouble concluding this woman was a “victim”, and I felt sorry for her. (And for her parents.)
    As I did with the notebook and the mittens, we all repress or discard certain memories that just arent very important to us. It’s like with clothes we outgrow.
    But we DONT repress and discard memories that are coupled with physical pain or discomfort. If I do not remember every single day of my life when I was 9, I sure as hell DO remember the day I broke my leg. Everything: the sensation, like a spring snapping, what I was wearing, lying on two chairs in the gym while the janitor called my parents…everything.

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  8. As I did with the notebook and the mittens, we all repress or discard certain memories that just aren’t very important to us.

    What notebook and mittens? Did I miss or forget this story?

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  9. Are they pleasant to you?

    She was a year or two older, already had breasts, and was seemed so sophisticated being from the big city, St. Louis. She was staying with her aunt for a few weeks and she kissed me one afternoon in her aunt’s backyard. It was beyond pleasant. It was otherworldly and I knew immediately that I had stumbled upon the one true meaning of life.

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    1. I can’t remember the girl I foxtrotted last night* but I can still remember the taste of that first kiss. Just another way of saying how memorable was that first kiss.

      *Truth be told I can remember her too. I was merely using a literary device known as hyperbole to reinforce my point.

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  10. Or are they for some reason, embarrassing?

    Not embarrassing at all because sometime after that first kiss I turned sixteen, bought my first car (a totaled out Austin America for fifty bucks) and started dating a JV squad cheerleader. We were both virgins so everything was new, exciting and awkward for both of us.

    The most embarrassing thing I can remember was when a policeman tapped on a steamed-up window of my car with his flashlight and ordered us to move along. I guess he saw how young we were and did not choose to make a bigger deal of it than that. Although now that you mention it, I don’t know if we were doing anything illegal. Maybe he was just getting his jollies off on us?

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    1. Yeah well, NOW the cop probably wouldn’t let it slide. In Pa, when you have boys ‘n’ girls doin’ what comes natcherly, you have to engage in some math to make sure the age interval between ‘em isn’t very long. I mean, if they’re both underage, they are technically both sex criminals! And if one of ‘em has passed his/her 18th birthday: book ‘Im!”
      Heterosexual behavior is being marginalized and criminalized. I just dropped a long comment on 10 c’s Mothers Day post over in the Mischief ( just in case you haven’t heard enough of my bloviating here!)

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  11. “Do you even remember, or are you willing to acknowledge the memories?”

    I remember well my sweethearts during high school and first 3 years of college. During my senior year at uni I became a bartender and sex became part of the lifestyle. The only girls I remember from that year were the ones that were extra spicy for one reason or another. The details should probably not be put pen to paper, so to speak.

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    1. Thank you dear Simon, you have done yeoman’s service! And it’s really an opportunity I have seldom had. I did have a very close male friend, as I’ve told you, with whom I could discuss these things, but ha wasn’t as articulate as you.

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  13. I think you’re onto something here, Hyp, with the ‘close male friend’ description for ST. Usually, I feel blessed-with-a-dash-of-bemused, in all this – and wouldn’t have it any other way. Y’all make being a grownup fun, I gotta say….

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