i hate that word.
Tonight Im trying to research grief, like i would a legal issue. Can i find precedent on point? What are the distinguishing facts involved in sibling death? Given the facts of my case, what outcome can i expect?
So i was crying, well, kinda dry-heaving, as i surfed articles about grief, blindsided by a wave of agony after i cleaned up dinner— when i got a phone call. i began explaining that i feel terrified that this will change me, IS changing me, who will i be without my lifelong looking glass?
(Really i never thought i adored me so much that the idea of changing would be so scary, but evidently, i did, i always have. )
Of course the person briskly suggested ”counseling”. “Talk to somebody”.
I’m talkin’ to YOU, right now! I felt like yelling. And a fat lotta good it’s doing me!
y’know what? No, i dont think that under any circumstances its a good and helpful idea to spill your guts to a hired stranger.
There.
And if all these platitudinous, repetitive articles I’ve read tonight ate any indication, there is nothing new or helpful that can be said on the subject of grief.
ST UnWoked & UnVaxxed! 
Turn your grief into your calling and set up a college tuition or grant to a Russian student, such as yours truly nakrap
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We are here, Hypatia.
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So, “counseling” has the same effect as “sanctions”? I am with you Hypatia. I get more peace out of blog reading than I could ever get from “snowflaking” to a paid stranger.
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I get annoyed when “grief” is paired with “depression.” Grief follows a different pattern than depression. I lost my 2nd husband and my dad within a year. My mom died 7 years after that.
One man in an elevator at the hospital, shortly before my 2nd husband died, gave me the best piece of advice EVER. “It’s not your fault.” My in-laws tried to make it my fault, for they needed someone to blame. When I told his doctor about it, the doctor said he told my husband to stop smoking, he wouldn’t do it, and that’s what killed him.
Most of us ruminate over what we could have done differently. As you said, spilling our guts to a hired stranger isn’t necessary. There are many people who would volunteer to listen.
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Maybe I’m crazy (no, really) —But I don’t think I feel guilt. (Except in the sense that I’m still here and she’s not—why? “Survivor’s guilt”) I did and said everything I wanted me to, except we didn’t see each other for the last two years, but that was the Sinos’ Infection’s doing, not mine.
I think the entire MO of “counseling” is always to convince the “patient” that her behavior or feelings are NOT due to what she thinks they are, that she’s “in denial” about the “true” causes. I mean how does it help, long term, to allow yourself to be convinced that you don’t know what you’re doing?
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Hyp, all of this, believe it or not, is absolutely an expected part of a *normal* process (that can last up to 2 years). Its pace is highly individualized, and not standardized at all; certainly not reducible to a set of biochemical reactions to be controlled. You are still *hugged*, friend!
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Bravo and Brava to all responding here: Wisdom!
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